Monday, February 18, 2013

Is being a good friend sexy?

I have a good guy friend who I've known for a while. For the first two years of our relationship he would call occasionally call me "mom". Part of this was because we had served in a ministry together for a year, and while he was new to the ministry, I was a veteran so I very often was the person most "in the know" as it were. I also enjoy taking care of people and making sure they feel comfortable and included. He tried to get other leaders to call me mom, but thankfully it never took off. Finally, I put my foot down and told him he absolutely cannot call me mom.

It was a very fruitful conversation which he totally understood and as someone who so often sweeps things under the rug, I was very proud of myself for saying something.

Over the past 12 years or so, I've heard some variation of the following messages repeated often:

  • "You're not the kind of girl a guy is going to want to date. You're the type of girl a guy is going to want to marry."
  • "You're really smart and that's very intimidating to guys."
  • "Just be yourself and the right guy will come along."
But, what do you do when who you are is a "most excellent friend"? Is being a good friend sexy? 

I had a friend over to study last night and as I was getting some food I asked him if he wanted a glass of water. He said, "I'm good." To which I responded, "I know you're good, but would you like a glass of water?" He responded by telling me that his ex-girlfriend's mom used to say something pretty similar. 

Fantastic. We've been friends for 10 hours and already I remind you of someone's mother. Is being a mom sexy?

The flirting thing doesn't come naturally to me. The moves I have are being friendly, smiling a lot, making people food, and taking a genuine interest in their life stories. But these are my friendship making moves just as much as my move moves. So I guess that leaves me concluding that I can't worry about being alluring. Really all I can do is focusing on loving and serving other people well. And while I've never personally heard anyone say, "what really attracted me to this person was how good of a friend she was " I've got to believe that at some point in the history of the universe those words were spoken. 

Because it may not be a super sexy move, but being a good friend is really one of the only moves I got. 

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