Sunday, January 2, 2011

Prompt 29: Your talent

I've never really thought of myself as a talented person. Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be visibly and noticeably talented: be able to dance, figure skate, do gymnastics, sing, play an instrument. My heart has honestly always been a little sad at knowing that I was never really good enough at any of those things to continue them on into adulthood. I'll never sing at an open mic. Or perform dance on a stage. Or be good enough to be cast in a show. It feels like everything I really wanted to be good at I was only ever middling at. The violin. Theatre. Dance. Cloning animal species. You get the point. 

I think this is a pervading feeling in my life. I am always afraid that I will never be as good, as funny, as pretty, as talented, or as interesting as those around me. This is something God is working with me on, and taking spiritual journey again this past year is continuing to help me in see myself as God sees me.

I think I am talented in some things but when I stand next to someone who has the capability of bringing down the house with their singing talent, my ability to creatively craft a Bible study or write a thoughtful card doesn't seem so significant. 

I guess talent is in the eye of the beholder. There are some people that would never want to get in front of a crowd of people and dance, act, or play an instrument. They might admire those that do, but they have no desire to have those performing arts be one of their talents. Another thing if that sometimes with my talents, when I fail at them the consequences seem more severe. It's a burden I don't really want. If a dance makes a misstep during a performance, they might feel embarrassed or get scolded, but they haven't harmed anyone. When I fall asleep on the job and don't exercise a gift of compassion or temperance, the misstep hurts my heart, and I'm afraid it might hurt others as well. 

Definitely a stream of consciousness post. Time for bed!

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