Sunday, August 22, 2010

Day Two: Vices

Vice - 1a: moral depravity or corruption, b: a moral fault or failing, c: a habitual and usually trivial defect or shortcoming

I was originally going to say my vice was chocolate, or romantic comedies, or bad fiction. But, I think a vice if left unchecked can becomed destructive, and while my love of chocolate is intense, I don't forsee it leading to my destruction. After having thought about this today I think my real vice is GOSSIP. Gossip, if left unchecked in my life, could definitely lead to destruction.

Gossip, while fun and sometimes innoucous, often comes from a desire that I have to be the top dog and feel that I have my life together when others do not. I gossip as a way to communicate to people that while others are doing stupid, awkward, or annoying things that I can see their actions clearly and stand above them. Today while meeting with one of my high school students to talk with her about her life, I even said to her "don't tell anyone else I told you this" and then proceeded to share something with her that should have gone unsaid. Earlier in our conversation I told her that if she had to ask herself "is this a good idea or a bad idea" then it was probably a bad idea. In that moment I gossiped while in conversation with her I even thought to myself "should I share this or should I not share this?" If only I had taken my own advice and not shared.

A couple weeks ago I wrote the following in my journal: "Lord Jesus, I am not perfect. Forgive me the way that I sometimes pretend to be. I am embarassed by the way I act sometimes. How I preen and posture and say in my head that I am better than people. That I deserve attention and praise that others don't. I am so thankful for your mercies, oh God...Remind me of my call to see others through the eyes of love. Where there is insecurity, sow confidence rooted in my knowledge of who you have made me as a child of God."

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