Saturday, February 27, 2010


This is what it feels like when you are on vicodin and haven't eaten enough over the course of the day:

Your face goes really hot, and it sounds like your ears need to pop. You can tell people are speaking to you, but you can't make out anything they are saying. You might begin to feel a little queasy. Then your head starts to feel really heavy and all you want to do is lie down. Finally, you'll black out for about 10 seconds and the next thing you know your boss will be propping you up against a desk at the front desk and keep telling you to sit down. The fun part is that you'll sit at the front desk and drink gatorade, water, and yogurt while guests walk by slightly confused, just assuming you're hanging out and sitting on the ground. You'll feel really cared for when your friend Frank walks to a restaurant and buys you mashed potatoes. But you'll feel kind of awkward because you'll be sweating bullets and not entirely certain of how it happened or why it did.

And if you're me, you'll stay at work and try to work the rest of your shift until it happens again four hours later and you throw in the towel to go home.

p.s. Fainting is not cute. No one looks good doing it. It is not sexy or romantic. Do not believe movies such as "The Wedding Planner" that show it being done in a very fashionable manner. They are lying.

**Based on a true story.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I'm Sick

For me, stress is my body's defense mechanism. This weekend, with the go go go of camp and all, I didn't have time to get sick. Naturally, I started to get sick on Wednesday so I was good and sick by my first day back to work and badly sick today for my third day of work. This is what I would like to make me feel better:

1. Lots of vacation time so I could stay home and not have to go to work.
2. Homemade chicken noodle soup.
3. A constant supply of hot tea, sweetend just the way I like it.
4. A teleportation device so I don't have to walk to church tomorrow.
5. Some sort of mental gymnastics that convinces me it's okay to go back on my lent commitment of fasting from TV and movies so I can watch all five seasons of Alias and the olympics.
6. One or many of my friends to take shifts to watch said movies/TV shows with me.

Is that too much to ask for?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Job Interview

I had a phone interview today with Seattle First Covenant Church. They sent me an email on Sunday saying that they had received approximately 15 applicants for the position and I was one of an undisclosed number selected for a phone interview. I interviewed with Carolyn, the associate pastor, and Sarah, a congregant and part of the search committee for almost 45 minutes. I think it went well. As always, it's so hard to gauge how I actually did in the interview. I was told the head of the search committee would be contacting me as to the next step, if there is one for me. If I am selected for the next step, it would be an in person interview.

The position would be 20 hours a week (15 middle/high school ministry, and 5 facilitating elementary ministry) and I'd need to find an alternate job as income supplement. Right now I'm leaning towards finding a nanny position. The youth group is approximately 15 students with very diverse racial and socioeconomic backgrounds. We'll see what the next step is.

I was talking with Becky on the phone yesterday, and I was able to verbalize that the idea of getting a job in a non-ministry context isn't what stresses me out. It's the idea of getting a job in the hospitality industry that sends me into fits of anxiety. What this tells me (because I am just smart and intuitive like that) is that I need to get out of my hotel job. I love the people, I like the job, but I think the position is symbolic for me of never being able to move on. It's not the actual job, but more of what it represents that I am wanting to separate from.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Godbearing Life

I did it! I finished my January non-fiction book. I didn't make all of my January goals, but this is one that I did, and it was completely worth it.

There are basically two main premises to the book. #1, we as youth leaders are not called to develop students who attend church regularly. We are called to develop Godbearers; people who offer glimpses of the living God to all those they come into contact with. #2, we need to be Godbearers. Kenda Creasy Dean and Ron Foster (the authors of the book) are not just rewriting the phrase "you can't lead where you haven't been." The implication of that phrase, it often feels, is that the purpose of developing my faith is so that I can be a more effective leader. I grow into my faith SO THAT I can lead others to grow into their faith. Dean and Foster, however, remove the "so that" from the equation. We grow into faith and become Godbearers. Period. This development of our faith, this rooting ourselves in our identity as children of God, this walking step in step with our Creator results in us having a "flammable faith." Dean and Foster write:

Only if we are seasoned and dry and small, only if we remain close to the Flame, only if we allow room for the Holy Spirit to fan the sacred sparks that come to rest in us do we create the conditions for flammable faith...Godbearing youth ministry requires vulnerable leaders, leaders who serve as God's tinder and are ready to catch fire.

This book says it's about Godbearing youth ministry, but I would highly recommend it to EVERYONE who desires to minister, either professionally or in lay leadership.