Tuesday, January 19, 2010

This is when living by faith gets difficult

I applied for a job as a youth director. A huge leap of faith for me b/c it means not just helping with a youth ministry, but being the one in charge.

I am also applying for a job as an account manager at the hotel I currently work at.

Getting the youth director job would mean a chance to be in a position where I get to work with a church, youth, parents, teach, and try to put into practice my philosophies of ministry. Oh yeah, and it's what I feel I have been gifted and equipped to do.

Getting the account manager job would mean that my nights and weekends would be free which would allow me to begin volunteering with Street Youth Ministries, begin teaching a couple different classes at my church, and in general have a life. It would also provide me with financial stability and give me resources that allow me to be financially generous towards others.

Now here's the rub: applications for the account manager position are due Friday, and a decision will most likely be made by next Friday. I contacted the selection committee about the church job and they won't be contacting candidates until next week. So...if I get the account manager job I would potentially need to make a decision about accepting the job without knowing if I am being considered for the church ministry job.

I don't feel that God intentionally tests us very often, but I do feel like this is a test of faithfulness. I believe there's a reason that these two opportunities are coming up simultaneously. Both opportunities will be rich with blessings and benefits, but which is best? My friend asked me how I would feel if I accepted the account manager job and then found out the next week I was being considered for the youth job. The truth is I would be heartbroken. And yes, I am terrified that I will say no to an opportunity and then be turned down for the other, leaving me in the exact same place that I am today. Except, maybe I wouldn't be in the same place. I'll be in the same job, yes, but I'll be someone who acted out of a motivation to be faithful.

Maybe I am getting anxious for nothing. Maybe I'll be turned down for the account manager job and my decision will be an easy one. Maybe I'll find out about the youth director position earlier than I had anticipated. Regardless of what happens, my prayer is the same. Give me the strength, Jesus, to live by faith and not by sight.


Chrissie said...

Remember too that you are a wonderful addition to any staff, wither at the church or the hotel. You can ask them for a few days to make your decision. It's not just about them!

Stephanie Breuner said...

if you got the hotel job, could you ask them if you could have a little time to make a decision about accepting it? If you have to interview for the hotel job it would be another opportunity to "practice" interview questions too.