Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Step Six

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

I am taking a class at my church called "The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey." It takes the 12 steps of recovery and applies them to emotional healing. I haven't done my homework for step six yet, and I feel like I am in college again procrastinating the assignment until the last possible minute. I don't know why the homework for this class makes me so uncomfortable. Maybe it's that once you write something down, and say it aloud, you have to deal with the reality of the words that have been spoken. When those words are spoken, I cease to have control over it. I can't control how my group hears those words, or how they will respond, or their thoughts surrounding them. For a control freak like me, that's a pretty large leap to have to make.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Pretty in Pink

A couple months ago I bought two new DVDs: Pretty in Pink and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I remembered how much I absolutely LOVED Pretty in Pink and have watched it about 4 times since then. In tribute to John Hughes, I am going to be Duckie Dale for Halloween (on the left), my roommate will be Iona (middle), and our friend Elizabeth is going to be Andie (on the right). I am so excited! I even asked for the night off work, although as of yet we don't have any plans. I will figure something out, though. Even if it's stealing a child to go trick or treating. :)

***UPDATE*** Our Molly Ringwald is going to be in Portland for Halloween, so instead Karen, Katja and I are going to go see Where the Wild Things Are at the imax. Just as good!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I think about it over and over again

I have found that there are certain lessons that you can try to teach yourself, and that others can try to teach you, all without success. It takes something to finally *click* for that lesson to be learned. I feel like it's finally all *clicking* in terms of what I am wanting out of the next couple years of my life in terms of a career. I'll try to be concise.

I was lucky in college, especially, to get good feedback from my professors and peers about what they thought I was capable of. However, these high expectations bring with it an undue amount of pressure. For the past two years I have just felt entirely unspectacular. It's like I'm waiting for my life to begin. For something to jumpstart things, but I wouldn't be able to recognize the "it" even if it bit me in the face. Which is unfortunate, because it would probably hurt.

My internship ended at the end of August, and I turned down an opportunity to work at the church in a part time capacity. I was afraid I would be settling for what's easy instead of going out of my comfort zone and trying something completely new. Now, I'm trying to trust and have faith that the something I am waiting for will reveal itself to me. In the meantime, though, I am trying to heed the advice of a dear friend and of myself (in my better moments) and spend a lot less time worrying about the future and a lot more time being the person that God desires for me to be. This doesn't mean I've decided to stay at the hotel forever, but that I have found contentment in the time of transition. It's a good place to be. It's a good place...